Following International Women’s Day, and after celebrating Mother’s Day recently, the horror that our nation felt upon learning of the abduction, disappearance and murder of Sarah Everard cannot be understated.
The news that a woman, who was walking by a main road during the evening on well-lit streets, could disappear only to be found under a week later in remote Kent woodland in a builder’s bag, discarded like rubbish, is a crime so heinous, so appalling, that many people simply cannot comprehend it.
What can be taken away from this tragedy that isn’t shock at its barbarism and evil, is how the subsequent events have empowered women and men to address issues surrounding the use of language to frame debate. It has once again shed light on how our society is in many ways institutionally sexist, with male chauvinism permeating many facets of our public life and debate. It has enlightened many of us in the way that some elements of society express how women are framed as having bad things done to them, that violence towards women – including rape, murder and kidnapping – is a woman’s problem, theirs to deal with. It never seems to be about how men are the perpetrators.
A TED talk by Jackson Katz summarised it superbly. He said ‘“We talk about how many women were raped last year, not about how many men raped women. We talk about how many girls in a school district were harassed last year, not about how many boys harassed girls. We talk about how many teenage girls in the state of Vermont got pregnant last year, rather than how many men and boys impregnated teenage girls.
“So you can see how the use of the passive voice has a political effect. [It] shifts the focus off of men and boys and onto girls and women. Even the term ‘violence against women’ is problematic. It’s a passive construction; there’s no active agent in the sentence. It’s a bad thing that happens to women, but when you look at that term ‘violence against women,’ nobody is doing it to them. It just happens to them…Men aren’t even a part of it!”
But men are part of it. Men are more than part of it. Collectively, men are the problem and bear the responsibility. No one should be a victim, but more importantly there should not be any perpetrators. And the facts speak for themselves: when it comes to murder, kidnapping and violence, 90% of all murders are committed by men, as are 97% of sexual offences.
We have to talk about this openly in our school and in our community.
The issues are absolutely not about any individual boy in this school or male member of staff. It is definitely not saying or alleging that everyone who is male is a closet kidnapper, rapist or murderer. No. It’s about how society collectively, the society and establishment of which I and every other male member of staff is a member, has by its actions – and more significantly inactions – enabled some men to harm women, not necessarily the harm which Sarah Everard had to endure in her last hours alive, but harm that has far reaching consequences and causes untold emotional damage.
Some of you may think it is not common place? It is another town or country’s problem? Think again. If any of you have read social media the last few days you find post upon post of brave women speaking out about misogyny and sexism, and downright abuse, on a daily basis.
Kate McCann, the political correspondent at Sky, shared her experience: ‘What happened to Sarah Everard has hit home hard for so many women because we make the calculations she did every day too. We take the longer, better-lit route, push the fear aside for the voice that says ‘don’t be daft, you’ve every right to walk home alone at night and be safe. Tell friends ‘it’s fine, it’s just around the corner, I’ll text when I’m back’ …but still we make a plan – Keys gripped between fingers we map the corner shops we could duck into en-route. Swap shoes for trainers in case we need to run. Keep our music low or turned off. Even being on the phone has downsides. One eye is always on the person in front or behind – would they help me, might they be a threat? Should I cross the road, would that make it worse? Are there lights on in any of these houses if I need to pretend this is where I live? You’re a grown woman and in no other area of your life do you feel so vulnerable. You resent it even though you understand there is a risk – however small. It is frustrating and tiring and constant. And yet sometimes, despite all those calculations, it still isn’t enough.’
This fear and trepidation that women in our society live under is not right or sustainable. It cannot be allowed to continue – we have to see change and fast. This behaviour cannot be normalised, and it cannot be accepted.
Off the cuff remarks and comments which are made seemingly in jest or as part of banter in school can be demeaning and do damage. Is it solely a problem for HGS? No. Most definitely not.
It is happening in every school in every part of the country. Yet many schools would not admit to it. Many schools are not brave enough to do so. We are.
And the only way we’re going to make sure it stops is to confront it, and face this challenge together.
If we allow and accept comments, cat-calling, sexist observations, and don’t shout it out and at the same time shout it down, then sadly, collectively, the males in this school are culpable of propagating a culture that will end up with such behaviour continuing to be the norm, behaviour that has far reaching and – if it reaches its zenith – tragic consequences. That simply is not good enough.
Let’s start by framing the debate correctly.
The headline is not ‘Drunk girl raped after night out’ but ‘Man rapes women’.
The headline is not ‘33 year old women kidnapped and murdered’ but ‘Man commits murder’.
The headline is not ‘Safety of women needs to be addressed’ but ‘Behaviour of men needs to change’.
Let us use this tragedy as an opportunity for HGS and our community to address this head on.
Let us use this tragedy to collectively change our own narrative.
Let us be a force for good.
Stay well and safe.
Be kind to yourself and each other.
Dr Bird
